Just another application story...

I'd like to share a prayer that I wrote last year, dated August 2, 2010. Here it goes:

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Papa God,

It’s been awhile since I last talked to you. Lately, I felt like I can manage on my own. That I can carry my own cross without needing anybody’s help. I’m really sorry that I even forgot to ask for your guidance and advice for the past few days, even months. I was so pre-occupied with the trainings that we had in the office which made me neglect other areas of my life.

Right now papa God, I’m heart-broken. I wasn’t chosen to be the next SC. It hurts a lot because I’ve learned to love the job. I did see myself doing the job and having fun while doing it. But now, everything went black. I feel that now, being an SC is really not for me. It scares me because now I need to find another job that I could say it’s also my passion. I didn’t want to leave Trend until the result for the application was provided. Now, I need to start thinking of my plan B papa God. With your help, I believe that You have a greater plan for me.

I don’t know how to start aiming for another goal. Some people just glide through an application and some even bleed hard just to get close to it. I’ve given my 2 years and 9 months in Trend aiming to be an SC, and now it suddenly seems pointless.

Maybe because I’m going through this trial alone, that’s why it’s harder. But then I think about my friends in Trend. They’ve been very supportive and I’m really thankful for the understanding, support and care that they’ve been showing me for the past days.

But then again, I’m thankful for the learnings that I’ve gained in my stay in Trend. I believe that there’s a purpose for everything. Right now, my tears doesn’t mean that I’m quitting. It’s just my human side showing that I was hurt, I was heart-broken. But even if it seems like I’ve given up, it’s actually the opposite. I just need some time to heal and afterwards, it’s back to the ball game again. I’m not holding any grudge or angst against anybody. I have no one to blame but myself. It was all me and I know that I could’ve done better. Maybe, I’ll be able apply it in another company perhaps.

Thank you papa God for hearing me out and for still making me feel that I’m loved by You.

Your daughter,

Joan

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Reading my prayer now, makes me feel more thankful. I know that comparing to the problems that other people have, it's just like a small stain, too little to mind and to cry over for.

I thank papa God for helping me out through those times. And it's real that if you do seek, then it will be given.

We all have to start from somewhere even if we don't know where to go next. We just need to have faith and then ask ourselves, "Are you willing to take that leap?" I believe God answered me by saying "Just hold my hand."

It was quite a ride and up to now, I'm still enjoying the roller-coaster ride that papa God is giving me. :)